Quotes from the Theme: Sex and the Soul

Dallas Willard’s VIM Prescription

1 – Vision
2 – Intention
3 – Means

“VIM is not an easy way to change – it’s the only way to change – but it’s an easy way to live. You cannot accomplish at the means level what can only be accomplished at the vision level and at the intention level....Trying real hard never works because you cannot win fighting feelings head-on. You have to change your vision – work on the mind until it sees a different good.

“The vision always gets back to God because a pornographer or a donut consumer has a wrong vision of God and a world in which humans have to scratch around and get what they can. The key to new vision is to come to a vision of what is good based on love, the agape love of God....You cannot lust after someone if you love them.

“The answer to lust is always proper love.”

On Desire

“Desire is a good thing. It thrusts us in a direction and gives us a sense of being alive. Desire becomes a problem when it captures our will....Ordered desires equal an ordered soul. The Good Shepherd ‘restoreth my soul.’” Dallas Willard

“The opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality. The opposite of homosexuality is holiness...If you struggle with this don’t pray or think ‘God, would you please take away my lust for men and make that a lust for women?’ God will not say yes. God wants you to find wholeness.” Mike Haley

On Addiction

“All addiction and temptation is based on neediness. That’s why Jesus said, ‘If you drink the water I give, you will never thirst again.’” Dallas Willard

“Homosexuality is not a sexual issue. It is an emotional issue. Unmet emotional needs become sexualized....It’s an issue of simple morality, just like adultery.” Mike Haley

On Relationships

“What is always healthy? Seeking the welfare of the other. 1) Possess your vessel in sanctification and honor, 2) do not defraud one another, and 3) open your heart to God.” John Coe

“Having sex with someone will not truly affirm what you are lacking.” Mike Haley

“Bad dating is cannibalizing other people – draining others of their life for our needs.” Dave White

“Prayer is a conversation between two people that love each other.” Becky Tirabassi

On Disciplines

(Homosexual Abstinence) “Even if there were a ‘gay gene’...just because someone is genetically predisposed to alcoholism, anger, etc. does not make it right and does not mean someone cannot cease from the activity. It’s the same with homosexuality.” Mike Haley

(Physical Chastity) “The habit of body-and-spirit whereby we restrain our good and natural bodily appetite in order to channel that energy for relational work with God and others, which is the foundation or source of sexual bliss.” John Coe

(Emotional Chastity) “The habit of body-and-spirit whereby we constrain our good and natural relational capacity for emotional union with the opposite sex in order to channel that energy 1) for deepening healthy legitimate relationships with Christ and others, and 2) for advancing in wisdom in the Spirit regarding marriage, intimacy and union with God and (maybe) a spouse. John Coe

(Spiritual Intimacy) “Is it so bad to spend an hour a day with Jesus?” Becky Tirabassi